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I would’ve done this sooner but, like many people, I had wrongly assumed that a hair transplant would make me look like Donald Trump. Obviously no self-respecting human being wants to resemble The Donald in any way, so I did what I could to disguise my follicle deficiency without medical intervention. But in the subsequent years people who’d gone through with the procedure were becoming more visible in the public eye and their hair looked nothing like that wispy abomination that sits upon Trump’s head.
Liverpool Football Club manager Jurgen Klopp is a prime example: he has a luscious head of hair that can draw a whimper of envy out of men with even the thickest of scalps. It’s hard to believe that he is afflicted by balding. Staying in the realm of football, Chelsea and former Italian national team manager Antonio Conte has as well. Towards the end of his playing career he had that had been kicked around on a barbershop floor. These days he could pass for a walking Head & Shoulders advert. The wonders of medical science have clearly advanced to the point that it’s possible to completely overcome the balding process.
You’re probably wondering how a hair transplant works. Basically, healthy follicular units (clusters of one or several hairs that grow out of pores on your head) from the back and side of your head (parts of the scalp that are immune to balding in most people) are torn out using a medical punching device that looks a lot like a tattoo gun, then later inserted into tiny, needle-made incisions on the top of your head.
Essentially it feels like tearing out little chunks of flesh from one part of your head and stuffing them into tiny little pores on another part of your head with incredible force. They’re inserted at a very precise angle that will grow naturally, fusing with your scalp as they heal and, within a few months, grow out normally. To achieve a convincing level of thickness, each transplant needs to be carried out twice at intervals spaced between 10 and 12 months apart at the very least.